Self-care is a topic that keeps popping up on news feeds over and over again, but do you really know what it means and why it is so important? Self-care is more than taking a day off work, buying some new clothes or getting a massage. Self-care can be something big like a vacation, or something small like a hot cup of tea or mindful breathing. The practice of a self-care activity is not quite as important as the frame of mind you have while in the act of self-care. 

I have noticed that no matter what the issue is that is being discussed in therapy, every single client has one thing in common: they need to practice real self-care. Self-care is a very crucial and very necessary intervention that has the potential to improve mood, quality of life, and health. It is also something that is significantly lacking in people’s lives. The lack of self-care has a negative impact on one’s life and can negatively impact one’s relationships, work-life, and quality of life. Stress. Everyone experiences some amount of stress at one point or another in their life. Stress has the ability to make you very sick by lowering your immune system response. It also has the ability to increase blood pressure and make you gain weight. Stress also implicates mood, leading to more feelings of depression and anxiety. Stress leads to burnout and burnout can mirror depression in many ways. When good self-care is lacking, stress builds and builds. The goal is to ultimately incorporate a good self-care practice into daily life making it easier to cope with stress, making you more resilient, and maintaining good mental and physical health.

I like to think of self-care as a practice that aids in mental, physical, and spiritual health. The key to good self-care is a good mindset, more specifically a non-judgmental mindset. Practicing self-care is great, but if you feel guilty for practicing self-care you may not receive the real benefits of the practice. Many people misbelieve that self-care is “selfish”. Many time, these individuals are people who have always taken care of others and neglected themselves. Self-care can be difficult at first because it sometimes feels odd to do things for ourselves and others can make us feel bad for doing those things. A non-judgmental mindset is a Buddhist teaching that allows us to give ourselves what we needs without the guilt, shame, and criticism. This is about accepting what you cannot change (others) and taking the steps to aid yourself in living a healthier, more fulfilling life. 

Self-care is something I take seriously for myself. This was not something I participated in until my own health was compromised, and the stressors of life became too great. As a part of self-care, I needed to learn what it was that I needed to incorporate into my life to foster better health, better mental health, and more happiness. I have a rigid self-care practice that is called sleep. I know I do not function well on less than 7.5 hours of sleep a night. I make sure I obtain at least 7.5 hours of sleep a night for a healthy mind and body. Identifying what is lacking first will help to figure out what you need to incorporate into your life. There are some important “guidelines” I life to share about self-care. These things will help you settle into a self-care regime and reap the full benefits of that practice.

Self-Care Guidelines

1.    Practice Non-Judgement

a.    Be kind to yourself! Non-judgement means you don’t criticize yourself by saying you are selfish, or you should be doing something else for someone else. Non-judgement is accepting things as they are and just observing. There is no shame in your feelings or emotions, you observe how you feel and do what you need in order to give yourself love. 

2.    Be All In

a.    Do NOT half-ass anything! This includes self-care. Be completely in the moment and the activity. This is the best way to practice self-care and to reap the benefits. Be present, be mindful, and let go of thoughts like “I shouldn’t be doing this”, or “But I have to do laundry (or any other housework activity)”. If you are going to feel guilty for your practice, then it may have a negative effect. Also, if you are choosing to do an activity then choose to be 100 percent okay with doing that.

3.    Give Yourself Permission

a.    You are allowed to give to yourself. You can say “yes” to taking care of yourself. If others do not like that you are practicing self-care, then perhaps they need to their own self-care or maybe they are truly not good people to have around. You cannot give to others if you never give to yourself. Your battery will run out and you will need to recharge, and if you don’t then there could be serious implications. 

4.    Find Your Interests and Do Them

a.    Self-care should be enjoyable! What are some of your favorite things? Maybe you love to read but have not been to the library in years. Maybe you love candles, so you buy one for next to your bed at night. Do you love bubble baths? What about taking a cooking class? Self-care should be a habitual act that brings you some type of joy, peace, tranquility, happiness, ect. This could also be a walk through nature or strolling through the art museum. Find what you love and do it!

5.    Learn to Say “NO”

a.    We are taught that “no” is a word with negative connotation. However, “no” can be a very good thing! Allow yourself to create boundaries by using the word “no”. Odds are you are taking on too much work, spending less time at home, trying to be everywhere at once and trying to please everyone (but yourself). Learn to say “no”. No, I can’t stay late at work today. No, I can’t drive you there today. No, I need to rest tonight. No can have a very positive impact on your health and quality of life. 

6.    Gratitude

a.    It is hard to have self-care without gratitude. While in the moment of self-care, reflect on your positive feelings and feel grateful for the activity. Feel gratitude for the moment you are in and even write it down to reflect on later. Gratitude is a simple little thing that goes such a long way. For example, if you are doing a deep breathing activity-be grateful for your breath and for your lungs. If you are walking through nature then be grateful for the colors, the flowers, the sight of it all. If you are participating in proper self-care, gratitude will come pretty easily. 

Links for more on self-care (check out the book list & list of ideas):

https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt-2/

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/the-read-down/best-books-guide-self-care-fall

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/45-simple-self-care-practices-for-a-healthy-mind-body-and-soul/