What is holding you back from living the life you truly want to live? Let that question marinate for a couple seconds and seriously try to answer it. Ready? Go.
I am sure some of the answers you have come up with sound like “I don’t have my degree”, “I’m financially not where I need to be”, “I’m too old”, or “Yeah right, I just could never do that”. Whatever the answer is that you came up with, I am positive it was not “myself”. The truth is the only thing holding you back from living the life you dream of is, well…yourself.
Most people that walk into my office and take a seat on that beige colored couch are rumbling with themselves about some thing that is not working for them in their lives. It’s throwing them off balance or it is disrupting their contentment. They know this, and they know that something has to change or else they wouldn’t be sitting on my couch. They feel “stuck” between the life they are living and the one they wish to live. So, I ask them directly “why not (do the thing) you want to do” and they list all the external factors that are apparently holding them back. So, I ask further, why not quit that job, why not dump that guy, why not move to Rome? Most often I am met with “Well, I guess I could” or “I don’t know”. Then, it starts to set in that they actually could do these things if they just let themselves. Now, we have established that your life is yours for the taking, you make the choices, and you COULD do all these things-but why do you feel like you can’t?
FEAR. That nasty F word. Fear is telling you that you will fail if you try to make change. Fear is telling you that you don’t really have what it takes to do that thing and fear is what makes you blame the external world for why your life isn’t what you truly want it to be. Once you realize you have the power to make change, it is then your responsibility to make change and there becomes no excuse not to. The only thing scarier than going after your dreams is never trying to in the first place.
I was listening to a podcast recently called The School of Greatness hosted by Lewes Howes and an episode called “Defy Regret and Break Your Limits with Bronnie Ware” really stuck out to me. This episode outlined research Bronnie did with ill patients she was taking care of that had reached the end of their life. She asked them about their regrets in life and there were 5 top regrets she had discovered. She wrote a book about her experiences called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. They are as follows:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
I found 1 and 5 the most interesting and it made me think to myself “am I living the life I want to live?” and “if I am not, what could I be doing differently?”. The regrets here are also worded in a way that shows the individual is taking ownership and they are not blaming others or external factors for their regrets. Picture yourself on your death bed. Go ahead, you can do it. Now, someone asks you about regrets. What would you tell them? Maybe those regrets you just came up with are things you have the power to work on and change in your current life situation? There is always some way to reach your goals and your highest potential, but where do you start and how do you get there?
Your Thoughts
Your thoughts matter…a lot. It was Tony Robbins that stated, “Where your focus goes, your energy flows”. This could not be truer. Where you focus you, thoughts is exactly what will manifest for you. If you are thinking about all the bad that could occur if you make that choice or the negative things people might say if you do that thing, then that is exactly what will manifest and what will become a barrier for you in reaching your potential. Your thoughts become about the struggle instead of the triumph and therefore it will continue to be a struggle. Keep your mind on the prize. Think about the positive things that will occur when you finally make the choices you need to make in order to be happy. Remind yourself of your goals and think about your hardships that motivated you to get here and the accomplishments along the way.
Self-Talk
What you say to yourself on a daily basis determines your thoughts and therefore determines your actions. If you are constantly uttering negative things to yourself like, “I’m no good” or “I can’t do that” then there is a very minimal chance you will actually accomplish what you want. You will end up with low self-confidence and low self-esteem. You are your biggest critic and judge. If you want things to be different in your life and you want to be happy then you have to first work from within and acknowledge the language you use with yourself. Self-talk is a simple concept but also one that takes a lot of practice. The first step here is to be mindful of what you are saying to yourself, the second step is implementing more positive language, like replacing “can’t” with “can”.
Visualize
If you believe it, you can see it, and you can do it. Visualization is such a big component to success. Athletes use it, entrepreneurs use it, even chronically ill use it. These examples use visualization in order to create an image of themselves being the best they can be, whether that is an MVP, a millionaire, or healthy. Visualization can literally alter the physical self. The mind-body connection is so strong that your own immune system can be manipulated by it. If that doesn’t just blow your mind, then I don’t know what will. Can you see yourself doing that thing you have dreamed of doing? If not, then start creating that image in your mind. Be detailed with it. Where are you, what are you doing, what does it feel like, who is with you, use all of your senses to create a detailed image of your best self.
Lastly, I offer some books, websites, and podcasts that can help you on your journey to becoming your best self!! Enjoy the ride!
Resources
https://lewishowes.com/podcast/bronnie-ware/
https://bronnieware.com/regrets-of-the-dying/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8jS86OtgLA
https://www.incorp.com/help-center/business-articles/ten-books-to-read
https://www.success.com/25-books-for-success/