The following blog post was written personally by the athlete. This is their story in their own words. This blog series is meant to spread awareness of the possible hardships athletes face, break the stigma of mental health in sport, and advocate for better access to mental health services for athletes.
I have been playing volleyball since I was in fourth grade. I always enjoyed playing but it wasn’t until my freshman year of high school that I really became serious about it and wanted to play in college. I would go in every day early to get extra reps as well as go in during my off days to get better. I was really dedicated to getting better, but at that young age I began to wear down my body. I was born with scoliosis. I was never too serious, but it did affect how my back was aligned. When I was 15 years old, I began developing low back issues. It was due to overuse as well as muscle/alignment issues. It caused me to sit out constantly due to being in so much pain.
I began the recruiting process at age 15 (freshman year of high school) and made a lot of progress with it such as going on visits and making phone calls to coaches. When I was 16 (sophomore year of high school) my back problems became increasing worse and it caused me to sit out for most of the season. I feared that college coaches wouldn’t want a “problem child” or someone as injured as me and it caused me to give up on the recruiting process. I became feeling worthless and upset that my injuries had ruined my plans of playing at a good school in college.
I became depressed to a point where I would barely eat because I was so upset. Being malnourished just made my back problems worse. It seemed like an endless cycle of disappointment. My mom really pushed me to start the recruiting process back up my junior year and I committed to the first school that offered me without any hesitation. I continued to battle injury throughout my entire high school career. My parents were always very supportive of me and tried everything they could to help me. We tried everything- massages, physical therapy, acupuncture, stem, cortisone shots, etc. Anything you could think of, we tried, and nothing worked. I felt hopeless that my injured would never go away and I had to learn to accept that I will always just have to suck it up. My back problems continued into my first year of college.
When I started going through my injuries and other difficult times in my life, I decided to go to therapy. I felt like I need someone to help talk out what I was going through. Every month I saw myself getting better and better. I felt excited to go to therapy to talk out my problems which helped me de-stress. I think there is such a stigma about going to therapy. People may view you as weak or lesser-than. I saw it as an opportunity to better myself and accept that I needed help and it's okay to get help. I don't think I would be mentally stable enough today to go through what I went through without therapy.
As I’m sitting here writing this, I wish I knew the things that I know now. I am currently pain free. I never thought in a million years I would be able to say that. Looking back, I realized that when I was stressed and unhappy in life, my back would hurt. I remember I wasn’t happy in life my sophomore year of high school through my freshman year of college. I was just in a place in life where I didn’t love myself. When I finally transferred colleges to where I am currently at, my back problems slowly went away. I was finally somewhere where I was happy and enjoyed life. I love my school so much. I also learned that getting stronger helped my back problems significantly. Last spring, I could barely squat the bar because I had been avoiding squats my whole life due to my injuries. I slowly worked my way up in weights. The stronger I got, the less my back hurt. I can now squat 155lbs. My future would be so different if I never had my back injury. I would be in a completely different place. I’m not saying I’m thankful for my back injuries, but they did shape me into the person I am today. It taught me patience, resilience, and the importance of never giving up. I try not to dwell in the past anymore because I am so grateful and excited for my future in volleyball.
-Laney Malloy
Laney currently plays Division 1 collegiate volleyball at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau, Missouri.
**If you missed last week’s athlete, Amanda, click here & you can read Amanda’s personal story about her experience with overcoming multiple severe sport injury